Preaching To The Choir...Almost...

I am always surprised when I come home how much opposition I DON’T get for being gay. If you read my previous post, “Land I Cannot Love,” you may have gotten the impression that this is an awful place to live as an openly gay man. But the truth is, it is not as bad as you or I would assume.

Now maybe I am just special because I actually do  try to juggle my faith with my sexual orientation. Is it possible that my continued interest in religion—more than most I might add—in an area of the country that is highly religious gives me some leeway that I would not have been given otherwise? It seems odd for that to be the case, because most of the opposition gay people get comes from religious people…and it is not like this is a religiously liberal area of the country either.

To be honest, there are no other [openly] LGBT people anywhere close to this town to compare myself to, so this is purely speculation.

But, I walk down the streets of this small town that easily fits into a square mile with room to spare, and walk into the shops and stores and I think, Surely they know I am gay; I know the type of gossip that goes on around here. I have been open about my sexuality long enough for such news to spread around.

I do know that there are actually some that know…because they have brought it up in conversation with me. But for all the others who have not, I still get the friendly wave of the hand and the neighborly “Hello!” while walking by, as if there is nothing to it—as if they do not know.

But they should know by now; and I would be lying if I said that it did not catch me off-guard.

This Sunday I gave the sermon in my church—it was on Acts 15, for whoever is curious—because our church is currently going through a change in leadership. We needed some people to fill in giving the sermons for a couple of Sundays and I was asked to cover one of them. And I have to say, I was glad I was one of the few asked…and to some extent I am not surprised.

On one hand, I should have been one of the obvious choices for such an occasion. I have been adamant for several years now about joining the ministry—after all, I am starting seminary in two months! And I have given sermons or been the worship leader once or twice in church before. It would be natural that a church utilizes someone with such an interest in church leadership and mission to fill in when it is needed.

But on the other hand I am gay, and I am open about it—which should automatically eliminate me from consideration. After all, I would assume that most of my church has an idea about my sexual orientation, since my parents have known for a year and a half now and I have been told they went through counseling with our previous ministers to deal with it.

Maybe my church has just noticed that I have attended Sunday morning services almost every week since getting back from school (going on seven weeks now), and like I said in the beginning: that gets me off the hook. Maybe they just do not feel the need to press the issue. Maybe they give me the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe they are typical passive-aggressive Mennonites who just do not want to start an uprising about something so controversial and divisive. Or, maybe they realize that I am not the one that needs to sort things out; it is the rest of my congregation that needs to do that...alright, I admit that one is a bit of a stretch.

Now, to my knowledge my church has not discussed the “homosexuality issue,” which seems strange because other churches in our community have discussed it but our church is the only one with openly gay members—two in fact—and it has not. I would think this would be a perfect time to begin that process, because I am in the community all summer, and I already attend church every Sunday.

They would thus have the benefit of hearing my side of the discussion—assuming it is a discussion, of course, and not a pointless, simple-minded debate—to help them discern where they stand. But they have yet to give me any sort of suggestion that that should happen this summer. And I think it is sad, but I also understand somewhat why they do not want to do it.

We are going through a change in leadership. Our new pastor arrives in about a month. Attempting to discern such a controversial topic in such an unstable context would be less that advantageous, to say the least.  So I will patiently wait until the time is ready, which I know will happen eventually.

Honestly, they only have about four years left of their denial (or whatever this is) till they will need to make a decision. I know this because in four years I will [hopefully] graduate from seminary, and subsequently I will be seeking ordination.

It will then be up to my church to decide whether or not they want to ordain an openly gay minister…which if I had to guess would right now be a ‘no.’ But I can always hope, can I not?