I had the opportunity to just sit myself down and say,
“Self, what is going on with you these days?”—Although, for me personally it
was more like: “Self, how is that career discernment thing going?” A part of me
still has no clue exactly what I will be doing with my life when I am done with
my time here. However, that has not stopped me from spending a good deal of
time getting prepared for my Field Education next year (think of it as an
internship I get credit for).
More recently, my bouts of self-reflection have come up once
again during my courses for this semester. I am currently taking an Educational
Psychology course and a Neuroscience course—that is right, you are not wrong…I
am still attending seminary—so I have been inclined to do some of my own personal
childhood development reflections from when I was a kid. Personally, I actually
find all of this science/sociology stuff to be absolutely fascinating, and in
many ways applicable to ministry.
I actually think self-reflection is a very good and healthy
practice for anyone to engage in every once in awhile. There is just something
soothing and satisfying and healing about taking the time to sit yourself down,
shut everyone and everything else out, and just take a long, hard look at your
life and who you are. I find it very beneficial to occasionally take the time
to put your whole life into perspective (from childhood all the way up through
who you aspire to be in the future).
Unfortunately, the way our culture is set up, we can often
be too busy for self-reflection; we are far too easily swept away by various
inconveniences and arbitrary cares and concerns of everyday life. And in the
process, we can forget about ourselves. We can sometimes neglect the ones that
should really matter most to us: us…ourselves.
Now, I realize that I am young. I do not have a family to
take care of; I do not have any children who rely and depend on me every waking
moment of every day. I get that. So I understand how some people may disagree
with me when I say that I should be the most important person in my life. But I
am nevertheless positive that when caring for those around us becomes
destructive to ourselves, that is a problem.
And I think this is a concept that far too many ministers
fail to grasp in their own lives. Far too many ministers allow themselves to be
stretched too thin, to take on more than they are capable of doing. Don’t get
me wrong: caring for those around us is very important. I actually think one of
the biggest problems with the world today is that we do not share enough concern
for those around us. But there is also a time and a place for it; we first need
to be in the right place ourselves.
As Jesus said, “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s
eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? …first take the log out of your
own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s
eye” (Matthew 7:3, 5; Luke 6:41, 43). Admittedly, Jesus is here referring to
judging other people hypocritically, but I think the message is nevertheless
the same: be concerned with yourself and your own health before you become
concerned with someone else’s.
Again, I am not saying be selfish. All I am saying is that
we need to check up on ourselves every once in awhile. Do a self-assessment. Reevaluate
your boundaries. See where you are at with yourself; see if you are satisfied
with who you are. See if you are satisfied with who you are in relation to
those around you. And see if you are still heading down the right path that God
is calling you to. I think some people just do not do enough healthy self-care
in their lives.
And the thing to remember is: It is okay to ask for help. We
are all—including myself—messed up individuals, and sometimes doing
self-reflection can bring up painful memories. Sometimes the best thing for us is
to talk to someone who we can trust: our spouse; our best friend; our pastor;
or even a psychiatrist or therapist. We are not made to do this all on our own;
and we are not alone.
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